You're tuned to the good stuff
Breaking Into the Central Park Zoo Polar Bear Cage
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Chris Farley, Tim Meadows, Jay Mohr, Adam Sandler and Norm Macdonald, playing themselves, hop the zoo fence and line up at the railing above the polar bear enclosure. Jay leaps in on a five-dollar bet and is promptly eaten, spattering his friends with blood, yet the survivors care more about a petty squabble over a nickname Tim threw at Norm. Tim, then Adam, then Chris each climb over after a fresh insult or flimsy excuse, while the nearsighted Chris keeps asking what just happened and Norm grows steadily more drenched. Left alone, Norm decides the bear must be full and jumps in to rescue a buddy. Host David Duchovny then insists the footage was secretly filmed at the zoo and presents it as a warning to future hosts about the people they work with all week.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 6
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Hey, would you put your damn glasses on? We shouldn't have to tell you every time the bear eats one of us.
That bear ripped off their heads like so much volleyball.
You're very stupid, Norm, but you know that.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
This sketch aired in the May 13, 1995 season 20 finale; afterward Chris Farley, Adam Sandler and Jay Mohr were among the cast members dismissed from the show.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Chris Farley ?
Oh, man, isn't this too the best, man?
- 00:04
Tim Meadows ?
I know. I can't believe how easy it was getting in the zoo. We just hopped the fence.
- 00:08
Jay Mohr ?
Dude, look at this polar bear cage.
- 00:09
Jay Mohr
Hey, you think I can swim the little moat both ways before the bear eats me?
- 00:13
Tim Meadows ?
$5 says you can't.
- 00:15
Jay Mohr
All right, read them and weep, my friend.
- 00:23
Norm Macdonald
Read them and weep. You say read them and weep before you lay down your cards in poker, not before you jump into a polar bear cage.
- 00:29
Tim Meadows
Yeah, OK, Mr. Dictionary.
- 00:32
Norm Macdonald
Mr. Dictionary? How does knowing about poker make me Mr. Dictionary?
- 00:36
Tim Meadows
No, I wasn't talking to you.
- 00:39
Chris Farley
What happened? What happened? Did the bear get him? I'm not wearing my glasses.
- 00:53
Norm Macdonald
Yeah, the polar bear killed Jay. What do you mean you weren't talking to me? You were looking right at me. Who are you calling Mr. Dictionary?
- 01:00
Tim Meadows
Look, I'm going to go in and haul Jay's body up, okay? I'll let you guys argue amongst yourselves.
- 01:04
Norm Macdonald
No, us guys aren't arguing amongst ourselves. I'm arguing with you.
- 01:08
Tim Meadows
Yeah, well, what can I say? I mean, after all, you know everything. Mr. Dictionary!
- 01:15
Chris Farley
Mr. Dictionary, oh, my God. He totally burned you, man.
- 01:22
Adam Sandler ?
You better hope that nickname doesn't stick, Mr. Dictionary. Oh, man, you're a book filled with word meanings.
- 01:39
Chris Farley
What happened? I'm not wearing my glasses. Did the bear get them again?
- 01:46
Adam Sandler
Hey, would you put your damn glasses on? we shouldn't have to tell you every time the bear eats one of us
- 01:51
Chris Farley
oh my god that bear ripped off their heads like so much volleyball
- 02:00
Norm Macdonald
like so much volleyball are you the mighty thor nobody talks like that
- 02:07
Chris Farley
yeah i think you're a sack of crap like so much mr dictionary
- 02:17
Chris Farley ?
Yeah, all right, Gillivan, high-five me on that one.
- 02:19
Speaker 1 ?
Yeah, baby! Oh!
- 02:23
Adam Sandler
All right, I got to say, I'm sick of you, and I'm sick of that polar bear. I'm going in.
- 02:29
Norm Macdonald
Hey, hey, Adam, if you're going into that cage, you know, be careful, because the bear is still in there.
- 02:35
Adam Sandler
Oh, my Lord, I swear to God, Norm, that was the stupidest thing you've ever said. Where would the bear be? Do you think I think that it got wings and flew up to Canada, where everybody talks like you and says arse instead of ass? You're very stupid, Norm, but you know that.
- 02:56
Norm Macdonald
Man, did you hear that? He calls me stupid. He just jumped into the polar bear cage, huh? Who do you think's stupid, a guy who jumps into a polar cage or the fella people like to call Mr. Dictionary?
- 03:18
Norm Macdonald
Farley, did you or did you not hear me tell him that there was a bear still in that cage, huh?
- 03:23
Chris Farley
Well, you know what? I wasn't really listening that much because I was trying to remember who's been killed. All right, I know Adam Sandler, and before him, Tim Meadows, but who was the first guy that went in there?
- 03:37
Norm Macdonald
Are you serious? You forgot which of our buddies was killed first? It was Jay Moore, you arse.
- 03:42
Chris Farley
Yeah, yeah, but what's Jay's middle name? I forget.
- 03:46
Norm Macdonald
You forget Jay's middle name. It's Gaylord.
- 03:49
Chris Farley
I know you are. You're Gaylord, get it? Gaylord, Gaylord, Gaylord.
- 03:58
Chris Farley
and on that highly successful burn i'm going into the polar bear cage and get myself some wallets so i can get some beer money adios
- 04:11
Norm Macdonald
you know what i'm gonna jump in there because uh i'm sure the bear is full by now then i'm gonna stick my finger down its throat then let it throw up at least one of my buddies if the buddy who comes up is too digested already i'll throw him back in it's the perfect plan
- 04:43
David Duchovny
hi I'm David Duchovny the preceding segment was not a sketch it was filmed entirely at the Central Park Zoo with hidden cameras the participants involved had no idea they were being filmed I ran this as a warning to other potential Saturday Night Live hosts these are the type of people you deal with all week long thank you
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Saturday Night Live.
